By Stephen Russell-Lacy.
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We are all living in uncertain times. I read somewhere that coronavirus could flare up again. Alternatively, it could burn out like a firework. Who knows?
For many of us the lockdown means stress from being cooped up at home, worry about income, more frustration: not to mention increased health concerns for love-ones and ourselves.
In addition, staying in can truly be a sacrifice if we live alone. But self-isolation is a chance for reflection and change. This opportunity goes for the rest of us too. Our usual way of life has paused. After all, we have had more time on our hands. More chance to ponder carefully about things. Maybe even stepping out of our usual preoccupation with our own particular concerns. To consider what really matters: what is actually of lasting importance.
After the pandemic we will get back to work, school and elsewhere. But will there be a new normal? A new start? Will any differences emerge following the enforced shutdown of usual business?
Chance to reflect
This is now the chance to engage in some reflection about this. But how do we do it? The trouble is we can lose sight of the bigger picture of our life if we are caught up in the minutia of daily concerns.
How then do we step out of endless negative thoughts that go round in circles getting nowhere? How do we stop being pre-occupied with our worries and gain a deeper perspective? Here are 6 tips on how to do this:
Make time for quietness alone
Challenge excuses for not to bother
Have a starting point
Mull things over
Look above self
Consider one’s life goals
1. Make time for quietness alone.
Why not create a few minutes space away from others perhaps in the garden or take a walk and then deliberately engage in reflection? You need to engage a level of the mind which isn’t in problem solving mode or one being quick to react to what’s going on around. In other words, becoming more aware of wider considerations and ideas.
2. Challenge excuses
Notice the excuses you come up with for not bothering to practise reflection. Challenge the idea that you have no opportunity for this activity. We can always make time for something if we drop something less important.
Likewise, question the notion reflection is a waste of time. You may think you can’t do anything about poverty so why bother thinking about it. However, if that particular topic happens to keeps nagging at you, then perhaps you need to work through it before you can put it to one side, albeit for a short while.
Yes, our thoughts can turn into a pleasant fantasy or day dream. But with a bit of practice, I have noticed my mind can pick up on something and exploring it make some discoveries.
When contemplating my life, I find out why I want certain things and what I expect from them. More often than not I discover mixed motives for what I do. Untangling them can be quite helpful.
3. Have a starting point
Start the period of contemplation with whatever is uppermost in your mind. We have to begin somewhere and this is a good a place as anywhere else. For instance, it could be a social concern, a personal problem, a family matter, a simple question or just a vague feeling that beckons you.
Over the last few days I have started off with three topics:
Connections between people.
Poverty
Consumerism
They have been on my mind and trigger feelings of unease in me for some reason.
The first is to do with connecting with others. I guess I might feel concerned about being separate and apart from others. I’m thinking of the importance of my experiencing a sense of connection with people. The need for this is brought home to me because I’m banned from visiting family and friends as I am seen as vulnerable if I got the infection.
A second starting point for me is to do with social inequality. People are not in the same boat when it comes to riding the coronavirus storm. I’ve heard it said that the virus has “put inequality into sharp relief”. I’m thinking of the contrast between the circumstances of permanent workers with those in a less secure jobs. Also, those with vastly different rates of pay.
A third issue I find myself thinking about was prompted recently by my noticing a bit more evidence of our throw-away society. When I go on my daily walk, I’ve started seeing litter on the canal tow path as well as road-side fly tipping. What I’ve seen locally may trigger different thoughts in you.
But it has reminded me of the issue of consumerism at the cost of neglecting the environment and inner values. Hang on what do I mean by consumerism. Something to do with shopping for nicer things, better car, foreign holidays, smarter home. I haven’t been in a shop for weeks. Am I really missing them?
Many people expect to be able to go to concerts, cinema and restaurants etc. That’s not been happening either. But I hear that since the shutdown, families have been making their own entertainment rather than buying it away from home.
4. Mull it over
Of course, there are no easy answers or ways forward for these and other matters. So, loosening up the mind to take in associated ideas and feelings can be a way forward. Mulling over things means letting the mind wander as it pleases from the starting point.
Don’t be frightened to allow it to take you places you haven’t visited lately. Admittedly, it can feel uncomfortable if we wander off into unfamiliar areas.
It’s a good idea to try to adopt a friendly attitude to such thoughts without jumping to reject them as unworthy.
Just be mindful of the central issue where you set off. And try to get back there from time to time.
In mulling over the need for social connection, I recalled that before the pandemic, there had been a trend towards more mothers working full-time with many staying late at work. Children were going to all sorts of activities games, music tuition etc. Family dinners were getting less common since everyone was on the go. However, during the lockdown, many couples are stuck indoors together 24/7 (in some cases with kids who are off school). Single people have been obliged to return to the parental home. So, families been sharing more time together such as eating joint meals. Has this chance for closer connection been an opportunity to better learn how to relate together – better learn patience, tolerance, self-restraint, that could continue later?
It strikes me that social distancing arises because of having to bear in mind the needs of others. We are all having to accept some discomfort and boredom to protect potential covid-19 patients who may not otherwise find adequate hospital treatment.
It’s good to see and experience people helping each other, and nations helping each other. Never before can so many people have worked with such common purpose to discover so much, about one thing, so fast.
I have a renewed hope in a shared sense of unity with people across the world facing the same challenges.
The spirit of kindness has been shown by the unprecedented thousands of people signing up for voluntary activities whilst they are off work. People want to do something to help others, which is great.
I’m feeling more aware not only of local people but also those keyworkers and volunteers we hear about who are braving the virus to provide a service to those in need.
In thinking about inequality, the low paid and undervalued key workers come to mind. Perhaps people I tend to take for granted. Supermarket staff, refuse collectors, care home staff, delivery drivers. I feel we I should challenge the value society places on the jobs of many low paid workers on whom we rely enormously to keep us safe.
Here are some random thoughts I’ve had concerning consumerism, I feel in myself ‘I want, I want’ rather than I need this or that because it is essential and useful. Have I been living beyond my means? How many people rely on credit card debt? Financial uncertainty means putting money aside. What do I value about going for a picnic in the park, or being satisfied with ordinary country walks. Not the latest device, the smartest car, the latest fashion. A new economic crisis may arise. What I can do is cut my coat according to my cloth?
5. Consider ‘looking above self’
I am a life-time reader of the books of spiritual philosopher Emanuel Swedenborg. I remember how he contrasts ‘looking above self’ with ‘looking below self’. This seems to me to be a meaningful distinction.
‘Looking above self’ is considering what is good for one’s family, friends and community. Letting that inform what we try to do.
I recall the writer says looking ‘below self’ is the opposite. It is akin to closing the mind to a higher view. This egoism produces a defensive attitude. It prefers dishonest self-justification for doing things ‘my way’ rather than following any alternative path. I guess this attitude comes from desiring only one’s own welfare as an end in itself. Most importantly, this severely limits a higher meaning and purpose one can personally discover for one’s life.
6. Consciously reflect on your goals in life
Ponder about what is really important to you. What you really value. Question your own motives and values. In other words, it might involve asking myself ‘what matters most’ or ‘where do I want to take a stand’. Probably, one’s values will start to emerge as one chews over things in a calm rational way.
We can sometimes forget a once experienced feeling of being called towards a new horizon. A glimpse of a higher plan for our lives – perhaps one we can kick-start after the pandemic. Have I been side-tracked or thrown of course by my inward personal struggles? Perhaps I have disillusionment, depression, regret, impatience, a sense of futility.
I suppose much of this can be expected. Isn’t our spiritual progress subject to a repeated cycle? What comes to mind is awakening, searching, finding hope and faith, struggling and then re-awakening to meaning and purpose.
How can the issue of social connection be relevant to my goals in life?
After the pandemic I’m wondering whether it would be good to spend less time on my own satisfying projects and more time in joint activities with my wife and also with grandchildren if possible.
I realised that connecting with my local area might be more important to me than I had realised. I’ve heard about a renewed sense of community in some places one trigger being a realistic fear of local businesses going under. Social distancing means that although we used to ignore each other in the streets, we have a new form of awareness. We are forced to pay attention to each other. When I step to one side I invariably get acknowledged if not thanked by passerbys and cyclists on the canal tow path.
What about social inequality. I ask myself ‘What relevance is this to me?’
When chewing over social injustice my mind may start to consider specific instances which seem relevant, like street beggers in my local town and what attitude to adopt towards them. Or like who to vote for given the policies of different political parties towards illegal immigrants.
There is such a dramatic inequality in working and living conditions and thus health risk: both within my own country and across the world. The issue I want to reflect more on is what I can realistically change in my own behaviour. How can I possibly address the issue within my own very limited sphere of influence.
When it comes to consumerism on reflection, I suppose one way I can change my behaviour is in relation to travel. More people seem to be encouraged by the experience of walking and cycling – step in the direction of a cleaner more sustainable environment. There has been a huge drop in air pollution and CO2 levels recorded in cities across the world. It’s unlikely this will last once the pandemic is over. When industry resumes there is likely to be a reversal of the current slump in electricity use which is the reason for the present a fall in demand for coal, oil and gas.
For most people in professional jobs, social distancing has meant a total shift to working from home – something many employees would have liked the opportunity to do pre-Covid-19, but hadn’t been allowed to. If working on-line from home is workable then it would mean less commuting and environmental costs, not to mention less unproductive travel time. Even children are learning about on-line resources relevant to their education.
Being at home more during the lockdown it seems to me that non-essential car trips by me – not to mention those by plane – seem a wasteful extravagance, an unnecessary uptake of scarce resources and damage to the environment. I can’t change the way others act but I can resolve to curtail my own unnecessary journeys. We don’t have to be limited by cost of and time for travel as we would normally be. We can get more people to be involved via on-line meeting.
Conclusion
Reflecting is noticing conflicting thoughts, without being caught up in them. It is accepting one’s limits. I cannot control all the things that will happen to me but I can control how I respond. In resolving what to do, accept responsibility for what I can do, even if it is something very little. Clean hands may be back in fashion but I can still wash more carefully than before the crisis.
To sum up, by using this current pause in the hectic pace of life we might discover new horizons, gain insights, or clarify goals. The unknown future of health and economic well-being reflects our need to navigate through doubt and fear about the pandemic; an uncertainty which is built into the very fabric of life even in more normal times. How to get through life’s up’s and downs is a constant issue we all have to face. Only by calm reflection – rather than jumping to emotional reactions – can we hope to steer a steady course.
The 6 tips for practising reflection are:
Making time for quietness alone
Challenging excuses for not to bother
Having a starting point
Mulling things over
Looking above self
Considering one’s life goals
We can only each do what we can do. But hopefully will have a chance to put some of what we have learned into action either now or when the pandemic is over.
Copyright 2020 Stephen Russell-Lacy
Author of Heart, Head & Hands Swedenborg’s perspective on emotional problems
