Marital happiness can be hard to sustain. Living with someone can be a lot tougher than living on your own. In a relationship, you must figure out the day-to-day stuff together—money, kids, all of it. That means making decisions as a team and learning to compromise, which isn’t always easy. Couples often have to deal with things like:
- Stress from work or money problems
- Clashing egos or pride getting in the way
- Different expectations about how things should go
- Not feeling ready or mature enough to handle it all
- Health challenges or disabilities
It’s a lot to juggle, and it takes effort and help to make it work!
How do intimate relationships vary?
Most couples fall somewhere in the middle when it comes to marital happiness — neither completely contented nor constantly at odds. Some relationships are built on mutual support, respect, emotional connection, and shared dreams. Others deal with conflict, misunderstandings, and a sense of growing apart.
A strong, healthy partnership can boost our individual mental, emotional, and physical health, making life feel more satisfying and helping us handle tough times better. On the flip side, a bad relationship can take a toll, leading to stress, anxiety, depression, and even low self-esteem. And it doesn’t stop there—it can also affect the kids and how they approach their own relationships in the future.
The spiritual dimension of a sexual partnership
The degree of marital happiness for a couple goes beyond just the practical stuff—it can really touch deeper, spiritual levels too. Spiritual philosopher Emanuel Swedenborg wrote about this. He describes disharmony as “coldness” in marriage and makes a distinction between a real spiritual connection and just surface-level harmony.
Sometimes couples might look like they’re on the same page—they keep things peaceful for practical reasons—but deep down, their core values don’t match up. That means they’re not truly united on a deeper level. Yes, an outer kind of visible peace can be good for raising kids in a stable environment, but it might not bring the deeper joy and blessings to the couple that come with the lasting union of a true spiritual connection.
Swedenborg’s idea of conjugial love
Spiritual philosopher Emanuel Swedenborg called the deeper connection and harmony between partners “conjugial love,” which he believed required a committed, monogamous relationship.
He described conjugial love as a special bond between two people that brings peace, complete trust, deep friendship, and mutual joy. In other words a lasting marital happiness. It’s about truly wanting the best for our partner, feeling their delights as our own, and seeing their happiness as part of our own well-being.
How did Swedenborg come to say things like this? His observations were derived from his mystical consciousness of seeing conjugial partners in the spirit world.
Unless the individual has had the private experience of hearing or seeing an apparition or has had a near-death vision, the usual public attitude is scepticism about the paranormal. Yet, Swedenborg claimed he was gifted with what we might call psychic ability, which he claimed enabled him to amazingly communicate with the spirits of people from beyond the grave. And he provided meticulous and extensive accounts of his extraordinary experiences which he said continued daily for the last twenty-seven years of his life.
Swedenborg’s vision
For example, he describes a vision of marital happiness in a couple conveyed down from heaven. They embodied conjugial love. He reported seeing a chariot descending. At first, it appeared to carry one angel, but as it drew closer, it became clear there were two. The vehicle sparkled like a diamond, drawn by snow-white foals. The passengers held turtle doves and called to him. He replied, inviting them closer. As they arrived, he saw they were a husband and wife. They said that they had been living in heavenly bliss since the Golden Age and that they had remained perpetually youthful.
Swedenborg wrote that the husband had sparkling eyes that revealed the ‘wisdom of love’, giving his face a luminous brilliance. The wife’s radiance was otherworldly, her face shining with an angelic light that was indescribable. When Swedenborg struggled to fully perceive her features, she turned slightly, allowing him to observe her more clearly. Her fiery eyes reflected the ‘love of wisdom’, and her inner glow defied any artist’s skill. Her garments and ornaments sparkled more intensely when she looked at her husband, symbolizing their unity.
When they spoke, their voices harmonized as if from one mind, exuding a peaceful, innocent love. Finally, they announced their departure, returning to heaven in their radiant chariot along a path lined with blossoming trees.
If this kind of relationship sounds like a tall order, we shouldn’t worry ourselves unduly about it. Swedenborg pointed out that this ideal kind of love doesn’t happen overnight and wasn’t much around in his day. Even for couples who are a great match, it can take time to reach that deeper level of unity, especially after the initial romance phase fades. So, don’t we shouldn’t be too hard on ourselves or our relationships— developing this level of unity is a journey, not a race!
Copyright 2025 Stephen Russell-Lacy
Author of The Great Questions of Life
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