It’s never too late for inner personal change despite our ingrained habits. We don’t have to reach rock bottom in our lives before making the necessary effort. Looking at one’s faults can be an uncomfortable business. The spirit of kindness to oneself is necessary. This is needed to acknowledge the habitual presence of sensations, thoughts, and feelings that are difficult to live with or even shameful. To do so without turning a blind eye to them.
When we take the trouble to look hard at ourselves, we will wake up to those worldly self-orientated attitudes still lurking around our minds that we hadn’t so much noticed before. We will notice intentions, fantasies, and desires that our inner conscience tells us are wrong. They are part of the old self we are trying to alter.
When these egoistic impulses, thoughts, and desires eventually show themselves for what they are, we can then identify them. We decide which ones to adopt and which ones to turn our backs on.
When inner personal change is less easy
The trouble is that the more such self-centred attitudes become habitual in our lives the harder it is to notice them and turn them around. They become more ingrained if we retain them in our thinking, approve of them, and especially when we act upon and therefore delight in them.
We speak in common parlance of the spirit of generosity with us or the spirit of greed, the spirit of revenge or the spirit of forgiveness and so on. The Christian mystic, Emanuel Swedenborg, goes a step further. Because of his own extraordinary experience of seeing a hidden realm of spirits, he maintains that inner personal change is not always easy because of spirits usually present with us. The pattern of choices we make gradually creates an association with like-minded spirits although we are totally unaware of this.
One who is grasping chooses for himself communities of like-minded spirits who are motivated by his kind of desire; one who loves himself pre-eminently and despises others chooses for himself others who are like himself; while one who takes delight in acts of revenge chooses for himself such as delight in these; and so on with everyone else. (Emanuel Swedenborg)
According to this view, once an association with a community of spirits has been confirmed, it is more difficult to free oneself from their influence. Inner personal change requires spiritual struggle.
Watchful vigilence as a key to inner personal change
To find a new inner life we need to try to distance ourselves from the old one on a continual basis. This means being ever mindful of what our minds are doing. Being watchful so that we don’t allow ourselves to steam ahead on automatic pilot. Swedenborg warns us to be vigilant so that we notice when such temptations come.
Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. (Gospel of Matthew)
Watching is the same thing as self-observation. When an old familiar pattern of thought is spotted then one way of responding is with humour “Ah there you are again, but not today thank you!”
Personal relationships
Having something in common with other people gives us the chance to connect with them. Linking to others helps to take one away from one’s own concerns and preoccupations. This occurs as we try to see things from others’ points of view because we begin to notice their needs as opposed to our own. This gets us out of ourselves.
Also being patient with their weaknesses helps us not to be judgmental or discriminatory ‒ even if someone is causing us a bit of bother.
Have you ever noticed a time after somebody made a mistake when you then took pleasure in knowing you were right and they were wrong and indulging in adverse or disapproving thoughts? Perhaps you had forgotten that you had made the same mistake yourself on other occasions. It takes one to know one. This forgetting is because we naturally tend to become judgemental about others and have a sense of superiority. We can go into a state of pride where we believe we know it all. And, of course, after pride comes a fall. Better to suspend judgment and not show the other guy is wrong to prove we are right.
So part of the answer of finding inner personal change is moving away from a self-focus in our relationships with others. Other examples of this are :
- Being ready to say ‘yes’ if this is sensible before we say ‘no’.
- Not being cliquish, standoffish or unwelcoming of new people.
- Pausing to give others the benefit of the doubt.
- Recognizing the person’s strengths
- Assuming everyone can potentially make a significant contribution to the common good.
All this helps to quieten pride in ourselves as well as challenge our self-complacency.
The Golden Rule
You may not have heard this story. The king asked his high official. “Why are my subjects so unhappy?” The executive knew that the markets had plenty of produce but the merchants cheated. The functionaries of the king drew huge salaries but they extracted bribes. The guards had become thieves. He suggested the king invite people to two banquets.
On the day of the first feast, the high official asked each of the guests, “Who is more important among you?” To a man, each one answered, “I am. I am the chief among all these people. I deserve to sit next to the king.”
The sweet aroma of the dishes from the royal kitchen filled the hall. Servants served the food in large bowls of silver. Then they brought the spoons in. Each spoon was in actuality a four feet long ladle. Everyone tried to eat the food but failed. All went away hungry.
At the second banquet, the high official asked the man at the head of the line, “Who among you is more important?” Each said, “My friend behind me is more important”. The royal dishes were served and the long ladles were brought out. Each man carefully reached out for a ladle and with great care fed the person across the table. No one spilled a drop. All had their fill.
This may remind us of ‘The Golden Rule’ that shows up in many religious traditions:
In everything, do to others what you would have them do to you. (Gospel of Matthew)
Inner personal change involves quietening the natural focus on self with its preoccupation with bodily and material matters that only offer uncertainty and disappointment. We can freely choose instead to attend to the needs of others. A universal spiritual teaching is that this different focus will decrease our emotional reactivity; it will also increase our spiritual perceptions. The more we do so, the more we wake up to an awareness of enlightenment and hope in good values; all these are part and parcel of the spiritual dimension of everyday living.
Copyright 2024 Stephen Russell-Lacy
Author of The Great Questions of Life
